Struggle

A few years ago I read a story about a man who wanted to help a butterfly that was struggling to become free of its cocoon.  "I'll ease it's journey into the world," he said to himself, as he found some scissors and carefully cut the butterfly free.  To his disappointment, instead of flying away free, the butterfly weakened and eventually died.  It seems that the struggle to emerge from its lair is key to the butterfly becoming strong enough to survive.

I've been thinking about struggle lately.  (I hope you'll forgive this random topic.)  Sometimes, in our efforts to help others, we can actually separate those we wish to help from the sort of struggle they need in order to become more whole.  A mother who continues to tie her son's shoes because it eases his struggle may actually slow the child's learning curve.  The child needs to struggle in order to learn. A concerned son who continually finishes his aging father's sentences every time dad struggles to find a word may actually contribute to the slowing of dad's mental capacities.   Dad needs to struggle in order to keep his mind fit.  A teacher who always gives the answers to the students may actually be hindering their education.  Students need to struggle with the material in order to learn it.

If I'm honest, I have to admit that too often I am impatient with the struggle of others because of my own anxieties.  It's hard for me to see someone I care about struggling, so I jump in with an answer or a solution or a bit of advice.  When this happens, it's not love that compels my behavior, but my anxiety about their struggle. 

The ministry of Jesus is astonishing in this regard.  He seems to have had a very high tolerance for the struggle of those he cared about.  Those of us who want a teacher who spells everything out in black and white and either/or answers will be very disappointed with the teaching of Jesus.  His words are often dense, so dense that they require struggle in order to hear.  "Blessed are the poor in spirit."  Huh?   "Blessed are the meek."  Come again?  "The kingdom of God is like a mustard seed..."  How so?  "Go sell all that you have and give to the poor."  Really?

We invent the four spiritual laws.  Jesus teaches in parables.  We give three point teachings.  Jesus gives the beatitudes.  I have nothing against the four spiritual laws or three point teachings.  I simply wish to say that Jesus lived and taught in such a way that those closest to him had to struggle in order to hear his message.  They had to 'lean forward,' as I like to say.  It required something of them. 

Where I'm going with this: 1) Sometimes I think we all undervalue the importance of struggle.  If, as the title of this blog suggests, life can be a sacred adventure, we can be sure that it will involve struggle.  Every adventure does.  Instead of avoiding struggle, perhaps we can embrace it as a necessary component of growth.  2) It takes discernment to know when love requires us to offer a helping hand to another, as it sometimes certainly does, and when it requires us to be silent or ask a hard question or stand back and allow another to struggle through toward their own growth.  How do we know when to offer a hand and when to allow the struggle to occur?  Good question.  Sometimes I really struggle with that.